candidandiella:

So today, after I went to the store..

Mom: Why did your dad get two heads of lettuce?
Me: *me repressing my laughter* Because two heads are better than one.
Mom: *Intensely glaring at me*
Dad: *Hysterically laughing from outside of the house*

Teacher jokes are the best

Teacher: Did you hear about the actress who killed her husband?

Classmate: No? Who was it?

Teacher: Reese...

Classmate: Witherspoon?

Teacher: No, with her knife!

Da fuq?

putoutthelight13:

Whoa. When reading back my last post, I realized that my thoughts don’t even make sense.

Bloody hell, something is wrong with my brain space.